If web sites were pills, we would be the RED one !!

A little bit of everything, for everyone, on everyone's net.

It should be noted that this first page is over 10MB in size. If you're on dial up, go get some lunch.

First - Buy gold, you can't loose!

Second - Learn Chinese !!!

Third - Remember, the people you trust the most, can hurt you the worst !!

Any man, who in the name of safety sacrifices freedom, deserves neither.

*** Note : In order to enter some of the restricted sites you may have to disable any programs like Norton Internet security, or zone-alarm to enter it.

*** Note: This site is best viewed in 1024x768 or higher resolution.

Words of wisdom : Never argue with an idiot. They will pull you down to their level and beat you with experience. 

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Site Updates !!

Due to the amount of information and data on this site, divided by the square root of pie times the amount of time I have to work with it, = you see what you get. I am being ask to add to many parts of the site, and add to certain documents that I have written but this, it seems, happens whenever I can, not when I want. This being said, enjoy what is here and expect more, but not quickly.

 

    Joke of the Month    

Noah in 2005
It is the year 2005 and Noah lives in the
United States.
The Lord speaks to Noah and says:

"In one year I am going to make it rain and cover
the whole earth with water until all is destroyed.
But I want you to save the righteous people and
two of every kind of living thing on the earth.
Therefore, I am commanding you to build an Ark."

In a flash of lightning,
God delivered the specifications for an Ark.

Fearful and trembling,
Noah took the plans and agreed to build the Ark.

"Remember," said the Lord,
"You must complete the Ark and
bring everything aboard in one year."

Exactly one year later,
a fierce storm cloud covered the earth and
all the seas of the earth went into a tumult.
The Lord saw Noah sitting in his front yard
weeping.

"Noah." He shouted, "Where is the Ark?"

"Lord please forgive me!" cried Noah.
"I did my best but there were big problems.

First, I had to get a permit for construction and
your plans did not comply with the codes.

I had to hire an engineering firm and redraw
the plans.
Then I got into a fight with OSHA over
whether or not the Ark needed a fire
sprinkler system and floatation devices.

Then my neighbor objected, claiming I was
violating zoning ordinances by building the
Ark in my front yard, so I had to get a
variance from the city planning commission.

I had problems getting enough wood for the Ark,
because there was a ban on cutting trees
to protect the Spotted Owl.
I finally convinced the US Forest Service
that I needed the wood to save the owls.

However, the Fish and Wildlife Service
won't let me catch any owls. So, no owls.

The carpenters formed a union and went out on
strike. I had to negotiate a settlement with
the National Labor Union. Now I have
16 carpenters on the Ark, but still no owls.

When I started rounding up the other animals,
I got sued by an animal rights group.
They objected to me only taking two
of each kind aboard.

Just when I got the suit dismissed,
the EPA notified me that I could not complete
the Ark without filing an environmental
impact statement on your proposed flood.

They didn't take very kindly to the idea that
they had no jurisdiction over the conduct of
the Creator of the universe.

Then the Army Corps of Engineers demanded
a map of the proposed new flood plain.
I sent them a globe.

Right now, I am trying to resolve a complaint
filed with the Equal Employment Opportunity
Commission that I am practicing
discrimination by not taking godless,
unbelieving people aboard!

The IRS has seized all my assets,
claiming that I'm building the Ark in
preparation to flee the country
to avoid paying taxes.

I just got a notice from the State that I owe
some kind of user tax and failed to register
the Ark as a "recreational water craft."

Finally the ACLU got the courts to issue an
injunction against further construction of
the Ark, saying that since God is flooding
the earth, it is a religious event and therefore
unconstitutional.

I really don't think I can finish the Ark
for another 5 or 6 years!" Noah wailed.

The sky began to clear,
the sun began to shine and
the seas began to calm.
A rainbow arched across the sky.

Noah looked up hopefully.
"You mean you are not going to destroy
the earth, Lord?"

"No," said the Lord sadly.
"The government already has "
 
BAR MONKEY
A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he's drinking it the monkey is running wild. The monkey jumps up on the pool table and grabs the cue ball, sticks it in his mouth and swallows it whole.

The bartender is livid and says to the guy, "Did you see what your monkey just did?"

"No. What did that stupid shit do this time?" says the patron.

"Well, he just swallowed the cue ball off the pool table, whole" says the bartender.

"Yeah, well I hope it kills the fucker because he's been driving me nuts" says the patron.

The guy finishes his drink and leaves.

Two weeks later he comes back with the monkey. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running wild around the bar again. While the man is drinking his drink, the monkey finds some peanuts on the bar. He grabs one, sticks it up his ass, then pulls it out and eats it. The bartender is disgusted.

"Did you see what your monkey did now?" he asks.

"What now?" responds the patron. "Well, he stuck a peanut up his ass, then pulled it out and ate it" says the bartender.

"Well, what do you expect?" replied the patron. "Ever since he ate that damn cue ball he measures everything first!!!"

 
How to Give a Cat a Pill:

(1) Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as
if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of
cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand.  As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

(2) Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle
cat in right arm (to avoid wound on left arm) and repeat process.

(3) Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.

(4) Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in best arm, holding
rear paws tightly with hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of
mouth with forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.

(5) Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of
wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.

(6) Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold
front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold
head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop
pill, put down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.

(7) Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil
wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep
shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing
later.

(8) Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with
head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw,
force mouth open with pencil and blow through straw.

(9) Check label to make sure pill is not harmful to humans, drink
one beer to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove
blood from carpet with cold water and soap.

(10) Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Open
another beer. Place cat in cupboard, and close door onto neck, to leave
head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat
with elastic band.

(11) Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on
hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply
cold compress to cheek and check records for tetanus shot. Apply whiskey
compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot.
Throw Tee shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.

(12) Call fire department to retrieve the f------ cat from tree
across the road.
Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat.
Take last pill from foil wrap.

(13) Tie the little bastard's front paws to rear paws with garden
twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy-duty pruning
gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of steak
filet. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour two pints of
water down throat to wash pill down.

(14) Consume remainder of Scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the
emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and
remove pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to
order new table.

(15) Arrange for SPCA to collect the "cat from hell" and call
local pet shop to see if they have any guinea pigs.


How to Give a Dog a Pill:

(1) Wrap it in bacon. Drop on the floor.

_______________________

 

 

 

Why did the chicken cross the road?

From a U.S. standpoint.

Q:
Why did the chicken cross the road?


A:
GEORGE W BUSH -- We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We
just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The
chicken is either against us or for us. There is no middle ground here.


JOHN KERRY-- Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now
against allowing the chicken back to the other side, unless our
international allies agree to escort it.


RALPH NADER -- The chicken's habitat on the other side of the road had been
polluted by unchecked industrial greed. The chicken did not reach the
unspoiled habitat on the other side of the road because it was crushed by
the wheels of a gas-guzzling SUV.


RUSH LIMBAUGH -- I don't know why the chicken crossed the road, but I'll bet
it was getting a government grant to cross the road, and I'll bet that
somebody out there is already forming a support group to help chickens with
crossing-the-road syndrome. Can you believe this? How much more of this can
real Americans take? Chickens crossing the road paid for by their tax
dollars. And when I say tax dollars, I'm talking about your money, money the
government took from you to build a road for chickens to cross.


MARTHA STEWART -- No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was
going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when
the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider
information.


JERRY FALWELL -- Because the chicken was gay - isn't it obvious? Can't you
people see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to
the "other side." That's what they call it - the other side. Yes, my
friends, that chicken is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will become
gay too. I say we Boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination
that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like "the
other side."

BARBARA WALTERS -- Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be
listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart-warming story
of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish
its life long dream of crossing the road.

SIGMUND FREUD -- The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken
crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.

BILL GATES -- We have just created eChicken2004, which will not only cross
roads, but will lay eggs, email your important documents, and balance your
checkbook, and Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken.

ALBERT EINSTEIN -- Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road
move beneath the chicken?

BILL CLINTON -- I did not cross the road with THAT chicken.

AL GORE -- I invented the chicken!

COLONEL SANDERS -- Did I miss one?

 
 

The mayonnaise jar and beer.

One Readers point.
Subject: Life And A Can Of Beer (great story)

When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24
hours in a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar and the beer.
A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in
front of him When the class began, wordlessly, he picked up a very
large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf
balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed
>that it was.
So the professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them
into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into
the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students
again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.
The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar.
Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more
if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous "YES."
The professor then produced two cans of beer from under the table
and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the
empty space between the sand. The students laughed.
"Now," said the professor, as the laughter subsided, "I want you to
recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are
the important things-your family, your children, your health, your
friends, your favorite passions-things that if everything else was
lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. "The
pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house,
your car. The sand is everything else-the small stuff.
If you put the sand into the jar first," he continued, "There is no
room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If
you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will
never have room for the things that are important to you.
Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness.
Play with your children. Take time to get medical checkups. Take
your partner out to dinner. Play another 18. There will always be
time to clean the house and fix the disposal. "Take care of the
golf balls first, the things that really matter. Set your
>priorities. The rest is just sand."
One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the beer
represented. The professor smiled. "I'm glad you asked. It just
goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's
always room for a couple of beers."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 AMERICA IS OUR COUNTRY

All I have to say is, when will they do something about MY RIGHTS?
I celebrate Christmas, but because it isn't celebrated by everyone,
we can no longer say Merry Christmas.
Now it has to be Season's Greetings.
It's not Christmas vacation, it's Winter Break.
Isn't it amazing how this winter break ALWAYS occurs over the Christmas holiday??
We've gone so far the other way, bent over backwards to not offend anyone,
that I am now being offended.
But it seems that no one has a problem with that.

This says it all!
After hearing that the state of Florida changed its opinion and let a Muslim woman have her picture on her driver's license with her face covered this is an editorial written by an American citizen, published in a Tampa newspaper.
He did quite a job; didn't he? Read on, please!

IMMIGRANTS, NOT AMERICANS, MUST ADAPT.
I am tired of this nation worrying about whether we are offending some individual or their culture.
Since the terrorist attacks on Sept. 11, we have experienced a surge in patriotism by the majority of Americans.
However, the dust from the attacks had barely settled when the "politically correct" crowd began complaining about the possibility that our patriotism was offending others.
I am not against immigration,
nor do I hold a grudge against anyone who is seeking a better life by coming to America.
Our population is almost entirely made up of descendants of immigrants.
However, there are a few things that those who have recently come to our country,
and apparently some born here, need to understand.
This idea of America being a multicultural community has served only to dilute our sovereignty and our national identity.
As Americans, we have our own culture, our own society,
our own language and our own lifestyle.
This culture has been developed over centuries of struggles, trials,
and victories by millions of men and women who have sought freedom.

We speak ENGLISH, not Spanish, Portuguese, Arabic, Chinese, Japanese, Russian, or any other language. Therefore, if you wish to become part of our society,
Learn the language!

"In God We Trust" is our National Motto.
This is not some Christian, right wing, political slogan.

We adopted this motto because Christian men and women,
on Christian principles, founded this nation, and this is clearly documented.
It is certainly appropriate to display it on the walls of our schools.
If God offends you,

then I suggest you consider another part of the world as your new home,
because God is part of our culture.

If Stars and Stripes offend you,
or you don't like UncleSam,
then you should seriously consider a move to another part of this planet.
We are happy with our culture and have no desire to change,
and we really don't care how you did things where you came from.
This is OUR COUNTRY, Our Land, and Our Lifestyle.
Our First Amendment gives every citizen the right to express his opinion
and we will allow you every opportunity to do so.
But once you are done complaining, whining, and griping about our Flag,
Our Pledge, Our National Motto, or Our Way of Life,
I highly encourage you take advantage of one other great American freedom,
THE RIGHT TO LEAVE.

Two Abortion Questions!

If you knew a woman who was pregnant, who had 8 kids
already, three who were deaf, two who were blind,
one mentally retarded, and she had syphilis, would
you recommend that she have an abortion?

It is time to elect a new world leader, and only
your vote counts. Here are the facts about the three
candidates.

Candidate A.
Associates with crooked politicians, and consults
with astrologist. He's had two mistresses. He also
chain smokes and drinks 8 to 10 martinis a day.

Candidate B.
He was kicked out of off ice twice, sleeps until
noon , used opium in college and drinks a quart of
whiskey every evening.

Candidate C
He is a decorated war hero. He's a vegetarian,
doesn't smoke, drinks an occasional beer and never
cheated on his wife.

Which of these candidates would be our choice?
Decide first... no peeking, then scroll down for the
response.

Candidate A is Franklin D. Roosevelt.
Candidate B is Winston Churchill.
Candidate C is Adolph Hitler.

And, by the way, on your answer to the abortion
question: If you said YES, you just killed Beethoven.

If you are not free in your house, you are not free in your life !!!
My Cam